March/April 2000

A Childhood Deprived of Stress
 Nancy M. Davison

 When I was a child, I was deprived of stress.
My mother and father were good to me.
I was not abused, nor tormented with guilt
for disappointing them,
I was supported, acclaimed, loved without expectations -
unreservedly - no matter what I did.

 I was good in school, without much effort,
and I am self-taught,
because I learned to love learning
in their home.

 So I ask, am I not powerful, famous or rich,
because I had no goad to kick against,
no festering anger in my heart,
no need to prove them wrong?

 If this is so, should I sue them
for being good,
or hold them in eternal respect
for allowing me the opportunity
to become as good as they thought I was?

 Respect

Lisa M. Payne

I wasn't there. I didn't view the tapes nor could I watch the news. The news of Columbine chilled me to the bone. Amidst all the guilt and blame, only one glaring question remained. One of the killers (on video) asks the audience, "Isn't it fun to get the respect that we're going to deserve?"

 n retrospect, the question was not a justification for their actions. It was a statement from the dispossessed within our society; children who were shy, bullied by the more outgoing. Scorned and stultified by upper-middle class, white attitudes. Children left un-attended, un-noticed by family, friends and community.

Battered by the media of death through video games, T.V., computers and the NRA. Fueled by the glamour of fame and what constitutes it, these children arose. The fodder for their hatred given to them by each and everyone. An indifferent, hungry, materialist society gave the impetus. The impetus and la-ment of the disenfranchised . . . no respect.

No respect, blatant disregard for life is what their actions demonstrated. In the end, they became what we had created. Their individual uniqueness, their style didn't fit the status quo. Their personhood was not honored, nurtured and sustained by those around them. Somewhere early on, their personalities were killed.

"Souless", "heartless" were the adjectives that described the youthful killers. How about "battered, bruised and disrespected" by society? No respect in life, they turned to hoped for glory and respect in death. The young killer looked into the video camera with all the hatred we had sown from lack of respect. I wasn't there. I didn't view it, but I was very much a part of the question posed . . .

"Isn't it fun to get the respect that we're going to deserve?"
Columbine a question of respect or the lack thereof.

Respectfully Yours

Charlotte Schmid

"Respectfully yours," ends the letter and I wondered why it did not say "Lovingly yours" or "Gracefully yours" or perhaps even "Forever yours."

The word respectfully dumps a whole cargo plane of "shoulds" onto our heads. "Shoulds" were set up in our thinking patterns early in life and were programmed in "for ever in the day" until, of course, we change them. We were taught to have respect for our parents, for teachers, for the milkman, or the preacher with his unloving sermons. We were taught to have respect for the neighbors, no matter whether their behavior in life deserved respectful attention. To show respect was programmed into our lives ever so deeply. Respect was expected for everyone around us as long as and here we get a clue what this respect is all about they shared the same belief system, the same kind of lifestyle and most of all, the same religion. We were taught to have respect for all of these people but nobody told us to have respect for ourselves. Quite to the contrary, self respect was of no concern. But would not respecting oneself be the prerequisite for all other respects one is supposed to exhibit? Isn't respect for oneself the very basic, first step on the ladder to understanding that famous oracle "Know thyself"? How can we give respect to someone or something else if we do not have respect for our selves, i.e., respect the "God-given Life" that is in each of us? Respect does imply that we look at, and that we see. To see ourselves first is not a self centered activity but rather an absolute necessity in order to stand as a free human being in this world. To have no hidden agendas, no false glamour and no unresolved issues. It is to stand with a clear vision for all actions and behavior. Out of this freedom to BE, in all its vastness, and totally present in the moment, will eventually come selflessness, harmlessness, right speech and compassion.

Respect cannot be taught. Respect flows out of a deep sense of gratitude for life in all its forms, out of awe of the incredible inner wis-dom, of praise for the beauty of this earth and of the universes we know so little about. We do not need to be taught to have respect for a God we do not know and to whom we only have an artificial "life-line." We need the teachings of the EXPERIENCE of this life force. We need to honor the energy which spins our planet around at incredible speeds in the dark-ness of the universe. To honor that glowing ball of life on whose earth (human) beings battle their wars and power games but on whose earth are also the people who pray, meditate and give glory to the power beyond our grasp and who do their work with determination. The ones who are helping when need calls for help in whatever form. The ones who take the time to listen to a heart in pain, the ones who soothe a wound whether physical or emotional. All these human beings hold the innate knowing of respect and live with a sense of honoring all of life, from the blade of grass, to the starry night and the fog rolling over the mountains. This will bring us a better understanding of the inner sense of respect and of what it is that we call God.

Realizing this, the "respectfully yours" in the ending of a letter simply becomes a wrongly placed, misunderstood word in a universe of incredible beauty and goodness and of sharing one's life with all creation. We hear the mockingbirds' song mingle with the song of the red tulips and we listen to the whisper of the wisteria as she gently sways her fragrant blossoms in the breeze. From far away, so it seems, we hear Handel's Messiah "for ever and ever, hallelujah." Give praise, be joyful and honor all life.  That seems what respect is all about. For ever.

Look Back

Ford Boyer

I can respect you as a spouse, child, parent, human being etc., but I don't have to respect your dysfunctional behavior. This might sound like something out of psychotherapy, but it does seem to be a prevailing attitude in one respect. In another respect, there is the attitude that "I don't respect you because of your behavior."

A basic Buddhist practice is that of holding compassion for all sentient beings. Compassion implies respect and, from this viewpoint, it seems to follow that we can respect even dysfunctional behavior in our fellow beings. This is a most difficult mental attitude to attempt on an on-going basis. Does there come a time when it is appropriate to respect the individual but not the behavior?

If we consider one definition of respect, "to look back", can we look back at our own behavior, assess our progress and in so doing have respect and compassion for those exhibiting the same behavior we may have exhibited?

According to modern standards, we don't respect such activities as spouse battering, child abuse, sexual abuse, thievery, murder and various type of corruption currently prevalent; to name only a few. We have become accustomed to seeing, hearing, reading about these activities occurring around the world. We are constantly bombarded with reports of violence, reports of abuse, bank robberies, and the lot. What is our thought process while this information is striking a note in our brain consciousness and bringing a reaction whether inwardly or outwardly? And how do we react?

It is not easy to have respect for some-one who kidnaps, rapes and kills young children. Or, for those who are responsible for allowing children to pick up guns and kill their fellow students. Where lies the responsibility and is respect tied to responsibility?

As some of us were growing up, we were taught to respect the privacy of others, the property of others, even the furniture in the house. "Don't put your feet on the coffee table" was a constant reminder as was "don't slam the door"; i.e., respect for "things".

From the smallest consideration to the greater respect for the Creator, respect was instilled within many of us from our earliest days. And the phrase heard most from many today is: Children are not taught respect; therefore, children are not taught self-respect thus insuring responsibility.

Self-respect grows out of loving relationships, instituted at a very young age, along with on-going reinforcement of the consideration of and respect for others.

As the Good Book states, "Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first stone." Is it time for us all to reassess our comprehension of just what respect is all about?