Relationships in the 21st Century

If you are looking for a quick fix for your relationship problems, this is not the place to investigate. If, however, you are sincere in improving your interactions with others, you will find information to assist you. Just as it took time and energy to get you where you are now, so will this method take time also.

The first step in renewing your relating process is to abolish all the concepts, ideas and ideals you have held previously as to what "should be" and "could be" when relating to others. Forget what your friends, therapist, mother, father, sister, brother or anyone else has told you. This is you we are talking about and you relate slightly differently from all others. You are not the same as everyone else, thus you are your own being, thinker, do-er. It is time for you to start forgetting what everyone else has told you and begin to look inside to discover who you truly are. Discovery is what relating is all about. There may be some pain with self-disvovery, but ultimately you begin to recognize who you are and how you relate.

Learning to relate is a process which involves learning how to balance the self with the SELF. The self is self-centered, yearning, wanting, wishing, desiring. The SELF is already inter-related with other beings. This is the most difficult part of discovery to understand and with which you are faced. Yet, once you grasp the concept, you are on the road to more fulfilling relationships.

Think of all the energy and time you spend thinking about, wanting, desiring, the perfect relationship. How much of this thinking time is effective? Not much, I venture to say, since you are still wishing, wanting and desiring. How much of your time is spent thinking about poor little ole' you -- that person who has no one with whom to relate? How many self-help books have you read hoping to improve your relationships? How much time have you spent thinking that you are the perfect mate for someone? You, my fellow human, are not the center of the world -- and yet you are! How does this paradox come about?

You are told from your earliest days, how and what to think, how to relate, what to say to whom, how to act with whom; in fact, how to perceive the world around and within you. It times to stop listening to others (even this writer) and begin THINKING for yourself. To do this you can begin with a simple exercise. Before going to sleep each night and upon arising each forming, hold the following thought in mind for a few minutes: i am I. Note the small i and the large I and think in that manner. This is important. Note any changes, keep a written diary if necessary to track your progress. Perform this exercise for 30 days and be aware of any changes in attitude. This exercise may bring up "junk" from the subconscious. Do not dwell on the "junk". Recognize it then let it go. The past is past, the future is not here and only the present exists.

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